he thought i was a dude.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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