Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
