I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
