I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
