I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
