hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
God I need to hump something, right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
