..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
