Already got asked if we're dating
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
