I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
