Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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