The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
