It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
