she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
