So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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