my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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