So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
