Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
