We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
