right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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