i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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