addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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