first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
