at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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