Im at strip club and am horny
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
