I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
