Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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