Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
