Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
