Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize