BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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