Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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