im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
