I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
