I just threw up on my dentist
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
