I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
