He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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