i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
