I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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