So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize