I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
