Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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