I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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