My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
