How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
