she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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