I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
