It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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