I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
