I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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