I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
