During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
