You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this hospital has no fireball
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
