Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
