You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
