I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
