my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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