thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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