his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
