you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
