i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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