Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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