Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
