So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
