there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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