i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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