I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
