just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
