dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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