Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
