Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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