So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
