You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
