he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
