Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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