Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
