Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
