she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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