last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize