bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
