The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
