Got a toothbrush?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
