I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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