im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
