Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
