I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize